To set rules for your child, we recommend the following guidelines:

• Express each example of misbehavior with a clearly defined rule or instruction. Don't be vague and say, "Don't be bad." Instead say, "Don't push your brother," or "Don't interrupt me while I'm on the telephone."
• State desired behavior. For example, "Play with your brother," or "Look at your books while I'm on the telephone."
• Overlook unimportant behavior. Pick and choose your battles. If your infant spills his juice while he is eating in a highchair, do not scold him. It is better to pick two or three important misbehaviors. Focus on them rather than trying to focus on too much.
• Use rules that are fair and attainable. You would not punish your child for clumsiness when he is learning to walk. Likewise, you should not punish your child for behavior that is a normal part of development, such as thumbsucking, separation fears and toilet training.
• Concentrate on two or three rules initially. Give the highest priority to issues of safety, such as no running in the street. Of equal importance is the prevention of harm to others, including parents, other children, adults or animals. Destructive behavior to property is of lesser importance. The least important are all the annoying traits that wear you down.
• Avoid trying to change "no-win" behavior through punishment. This type of misbehavior usually involves a body part. Examples are wetting, soiling, hair pulling, or thumbsucking. No-win behavior is uncontrollable by the parent if the child decides to continue it. The first step in resolving a no-win power struggle is to withdraw from the conflict. Then apply positive reinforcement.
• Apply the rules consistently. When both parents agree on the rules, post them in a conspicuous place.